…or get off the pot

Why does it take men so LONG to go to the bathroom?

They can do just about anything else faster than women: clean their plates, clean the house, conduct a phone conversation, and…uh, other stuff.

(That’s not to say that men do those things BETTER. Just faster.)

But when nature calls, they pitch a tent and camp out. For at least twenty minutes – even longer if no one rushes them to finish up. Sometimes they camp out two or more times A DAY.

Is that a sign of efficiency? Or is it disconcerting to think that some men are spending AN HOUR of each day eliminating? Shit, it takes more time for their food to come OUT than it does for it to go IN.

Granted, we all have our times of gastrointestinal distress when we linger longer than usual. Those are isolated incidents for women.

And I know that, overall, women do tend to spend more time in the bathroom than men. I’m certainly not exempt. I often announce that I’m going to bed, and forty-five minutes later Kyle comes upstairs to find me inspecting my pores or re-painting my toenails.

While it’s a minor annoyance for a man to be ensconced in the throne room while you are trying to single-handedly herd children, especially on a weekend morning when they are more energetic than usual (and you are more tired than usual and in dire need of the tag-team approach), it’s much worse when you’ve got a one-campground home.

That’s right – one bathroom for everyone to share. It’s quite common, and it’s definitely a challenge when there’s more than two people sharing that single bathroom.

We’re fortunate; other than the three months spent in the Hackensack apartment from hell, we’ve always had at least 1.5 baths. And double bonus points to Kyle for putting the litter box in the bathroom that was designated as the campground.

I’m willing to accept that it’s physically necessary for men to dedicate THAT MUCH time to elimination. But here’s the trade-off: When we’re in there taking a bath, or our teenaged daughter is in there popping zits, or our teenaged son is in there doing god-knows-what, please be patient. We all need our bathroom time.

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