was reading a post over at Blogher about favored children by Mir Kamin. This kind of has been on my mind for awhile. I wonder on a day to day basis if I favor one child over the other. Am I giving one a complex because I pick and choose the battles of the house. When Lil’ Boy went in the fridge without asking did I yell louder at him then I did Lil’ Girl when she touched the Christmas tree. Did I give the same number of kisses out, and did I say good job more to one over the other. It is one of those issues we moms beat ourselves up over.
I am really examining this lately because we have entered a new stage in our house. At one time Lil’ Girl demanded a lot of my time. Lil’ Dad was not a “baby” person so I took on a lot with baby care and Daddy gave that extra love and attention to Lil’ Boy. It worked out, I knew the kids were getting all the love and attention they needed. Now Lil’ Girl needs less of me and I sometimes feel torn. I am sure all moms go through this.
But here is where my real guilt lies. I am at odds more with Lil’ Boy then Lil’ Girl. Lil’ Boy and I butt heads A LOT. He is stubborn, and surly. I often joke that he is my arch-nemesis, in the most loving way of course
Some of Lil’ Boy’s behaviors can drive me crazy. When he gets frustrated he gets mad, very mad. It drives me nuts to hear him pitch a fit when life doesn’t go his way. I get angry when he does things his way and doesn’t ask for help, or accept help. I am steamed when he zones off and doesn’t pay attention to the task at hand.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why those things upset me. I have figured it out long ago. It is because all those things that Lil’ Boy does to drive me to the edge, are the things that he gets from me.
I too get frustrated and mad, really mad. I pitch fits when things don’t go my way. I don’t ask for help. I get in a zone I hate to come out out of to focus on something else. He might have his fathers face but he has my temper. And if there was one thing I didn’t want to pass, that was it.
We are two peas. And as much as I hate it, and feel guilty I know I love him just as much as Lil’ Girl.
I know Lil’ Boy wants to spend more time with Lil’ Dad, just as Lil’ Girl wants me. And I know we will have more epic battles. The truth is when he comes up to me to cuddle. Or when he lays his head on my lap for me to stroke his hair. Or when he give me a hug. It is the best feeling in the world to me. They are the moments I live for.
I think Kir was right when she says “there is ebb and flow.” It is about knowing when a child needs more of us, and learning it’s okay to step back when they need independence. We find those unique qualities each child shows and embrace it. Because just as much as each kid is different they each need a different kind of love. Not looking at the amount of time but looking at how I spend that time. Knowing that in the end it will all equal out, if I just let go of the guilt.
What do you think?